THE 42 MAXIMS OF D. BIRKBY
			by, David Birkby

1. Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on
	what you put into it.

2. Don't blame others for the worlds problems, they're here
	to.

3. Life is not like a box of chocolates, that's why we have
	Dew.

4. Shit's going to happen so just deal!

5. Dew dosen't really taste good, it only keeps you awake. The
	taste and reaction are all in your head.  (That why it is
	the drink of choice for ES-M Stage Crew)

6. Weird is always normal, look at coroners.

7. Number six is not really supposed to be funny, its main
	purpose is to see if you are really thinking about these
	maxims.

8. 42 only means three things, it is the answer to 6*7.

9. 42 is 101010 in the binary language.

10. Most insignificantly, it is also the answer to life, the
	universe, everything.

11. 42 is explained in a Five book Trilogy. (Think about it)

12. The Lazy man's way may not always be the best way, but
	dammit, it will always be the easiest damn way.

13. Athletes are not heroes, they just get paid a lot for what
	we did for fun in school.

14. Actors are not heroes, they just get paid a lot for what we
	did for fun in school.

15. Stage Crew members are heroes.

16. Sword fighting is the only good type of violence, lt is
	artistic and cultural.

17. In musicals, the villian will never be in the final song.

18. In musicals. the villian will always be made to look like a
	jackass.

19. Musicals are not like real life.

20. Star Trek is not real, it is only a TV show! (Its reality
	will come in the 24th century)

21. Star Wars is the real one. (Since it happened a long time ago
	in a galaxy far away...)

22. Vulcans have exceptional strength, a long lifespan and two
	eyelids on each eye.

23. Kirk was and is better than Picard. (They killed the wrong
	captian...)(Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.)
				    -Dr. Seuss (Johnnie Cochran)

24. Patrick Stewart is a better man off-stage than Bill Shatner.

25. Avery Brooks should keep his gotie.

26. Captian Crunch should keep his hat.

27. Kirk would kilt on Janeway if the two ever met. (And she
	would enjoy every minute of it.)

28. Always pass the word Asparagus when playing Password. (Okay,
	you have a long shaft with a tip on the end...)

29. Goofy is better than Mickey.

30. Elvis is dead, he is not in the basement. (That is only me.)

31. He who hesitates is lost. (I know I borrowed this one, but
	you'll see why shortly)

32. Good things come to those who wait. (Be patient, I borrowed
	both of these for a reason, as you'll see in #33.)

33. Put 31 and 32 together.  (With a comma instead of a period
	after lost in 31 and add either but or and [whichever makes
	more or less sense, your choice] and read the new sentence)

34. The absolut way to get someone back is to make them look like
	a jackass while they are trying to make you look like a
	jackass. (Oh sorry, Absolute!)

35. Think about number 34. (Quietly, as if you were in study
	hall...)

36. Looking like a jackass is highly underated.

37. Act like a jackass every once in a while. (It fee1s great, I
	do it every day!)(Should I be proud of that?)

38. COWS RULE!!!!!!!!!!

39. Only in musicals can someone like Tony go around like the
	macho guy he is, get Maria, in a purple shirt. (West Side
	Story)(As if you didn't know!)

40. TEAM GIFF LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. The Blues Brothers are godds. They are the only to
	Blues brothers who can cruise and swing so successfully in
	tight slacks. (Oops, wrong SNL skit!)(Yes it is the two "d"
	godd. In remembrance in Giff.)

42. Don't follow these maxims, they can only be understood,
	comprehended and applied through the process of osmosis into
	the Birkby-Specialized Brain 42000. (Not available in any
	stores.)(It took me 5 years to finally get mine through
	special order.)